Work and Life in Balance

Life and Work in Balance

by Fritz M. Brunner, Ph.D.

What does this Mean?

Most of us strive for balance between our work life and the rest of our life, we hope for relief from the demands that work makes upon our time. We dream about what it would be like to have time to take care of all the other important things in our life. When people talk about this type of balance, I am reminded of a teeter-totter. Work sits heavily on one side, while the other side is crowded with the rest of my life. My feet dangle just above the dirt and no matter what I try, I can not get my life back down to earth. There I am, up in the air, surrounded by the rest of my life, while my work life is stuck on the ground. What can I do to achieve balance?

It seems like I have several options. First I can try to somehow shrink or cut back on the amount of work that sits so oppressively on the teeter-totter opposite me. However, shrinking a job is tough. Some things I can try include a look at working “smarter.” You know: time management, new tools, webify it, delegate it, whatever. Or, I can downsize myself into another position or area of work, or even change jobs. These and other ideas are all very good. They should always be looked at when faced with more work than time.

For each of these many options to attacking the problem there are at least four times that many articles and books to help. Yet in spite of all this help, my findings show that however well I might execute that new process or however much I like the new job, the time I spend working creeps back to old levels. I really haven’t fiddled with the equation enough to find real change. So what else can I do?

I can look at the other side, the life side of the teeter-totter. This may sound silly, but a lot of people start here first. They start throwing out parts of their life to make more room for work. Now I don’t think they meant to do it this way, however, this is the result. They may think it is only temporary; “I’ll stop exercising for the next month so I can catch up at work and get this under control.” Their thinking is that by stopping one “life thing” and adding more time to work in the “short” term, they can whittle down work enough to rebalance the teeter-totter. I am sorry to inform this person but life doesn’t cooperate on this one. This person ends up stuck in a no-win situation; they may catch up at work, but they don’t cut back on the extra work hours because the extra hours have become a habit now and, therefore, they never get back to exercising. So well, what else can we do?

We can try more variations on these themes. Take a little away from one side and add it to the other. The problem is that tinkering with the equation will not help you find the balance you want. What is needed is a new way to look at the situation. After all what is the best that can be hoped for in this situation? That we balance the teeter-totter? Big deal! All this does is bring our life into a fixed state that is no better than being in a rut. We are just sitting in place marking time. And this isn’t a Zen-like still place; no, this is a frozen, don’t-rock-the-boat still place. No thank you, not for me. But, what then, if not this?

A New Way to Look at Balance

In thinking about a new way to look at this, I started thinking about forms of balance. I started with the teeter-totter as the archetypal balancing situation. You can look at it or experience it and know if it is in balance or not. The problem with this type of balance is that it is static. You are either in balance or out of balance. What I was looking for was a type of balance that would be dynamic, that would allow for movement, and that could be fun. Like riding a bike. And that got me thinking about bicycle wheels. If you turn your bike upside down and experiment with the wheels you find that they will turn around the hub until they stop with the inner tube stem at the bottom. Because the stem adds extra weight to that part of the wheel, it turns the wheel until it is at rest on the bottom. Likewise, if you put a heavy weight on one spot of the wheel that spot will soon be at the bottom. So what does this have to do with life and work?

We can use this model to find a new way to look at work and life balance. Let us take a look at our bike wheel. It is round. It has a hub at the center. It has spokes going out from the hub to the rim on the outside. If we would mount it upright, like it would be with our bicycle upside down, we could spin the wheel and it would revolve around the hub until it came to rest. Let us now say that this particular wheel has eight spokes evenly arranged and going from the hub to the rim. If I make all the spokes the same thickness and weight, the wheel will spin smoothly. However, if I make one of the spokes ten times as thick and heavy as the other seven, the wheel will not spin smoothly. It will stop soon after it starts to spin. The heavy spoke will come to rest at the bottom. The effort now needed to make the wheel turn and to keep it moving will be more than if all the spokes were the same weight. I think we can solve our work and life balance problem in the same way we solve an out of balance wheel problem. We need to have all our spokes be the “right” size and weight.

What are my spokes? Do I have only two spokes: work and life? I don’t think so. Do I only have eight spokes? Maybe, maybe not. I want one spoke for each area of my life and work that I want to focus on. I want spokes for all the parts of my life that I want to be important. I want one spoke each for my relationships, reading, exercise, cooking, garden (maybe not, I’ll pay someone for that), and, of course, work, writing, and business development. The point here is that if I pay attention to some aspect or part of my whole life, then I want to make sure it is included as a spoke. A warning: don’t get too carried away here. You can have so many spokes that the wheel becomes too heavy to move at all.

So now you have your spokes identified. (Or, if not, why not stop and make some notes now.) You may have five or seven or ten spokes. They need to be attached to something now. In this model that would be the hub. In life they attach to you: to your true self, or soul. You pick the term that fits. Remember that this self is who you are under all the layers that have built up over the years. This is not the self that is doing things to please others or because it is expected. This is the self that may have learned to ride that bike many years ago: yes, that one. Be true to that self in this exercise and you will succeed in gaining balance.

Now the tricky part. How on earth can I make these spokes the same size and weight? I need to spend more time at work than I do reading if I want to pay the bills; those two spokes can not be the same. Well, yes they can if you set up your wheel accordingly. If I say that a 40 hour work spoke is equal to a 4 hour reading spoke because that is how much time or effort I want to allocate to each, then they are equal and my wheel will be in balance. You get to decide how you want to allocate your time and energy. And each allocation is considered to be equal; so that 40 hours of work is equal to 4 hours of reading because they are equally important to me in that ratio. The point here is that you are making room on the wheel for just those spokes that matter to you. The absolute time is less important than getting all the important parts and general allocations represented on the wheel. You can fiddle with this more as you work with it over time. So now I have eight spokes on the wheel and I have noted how much time I want to devote to each over the period of a week. I had to play a little with this part to allow time for sleep, but now it is done. I have a centered hub (my true self), surrounded with eight spokes going out to a rim that holds it all together. Now what is next?

Working with a Wheel of Life

A wheel of life? Yes, that is what we have created. This simple bicycle wheel is really a wheel of life. However, it is still not a very big deal if it doesn’t turn and move you forward. The point of all this is to get on with your life. To move forward easily in your life. Of course, there is a trick to this. That part you usually have to pay extra for, the instruction left unclear in the documentation. Well, here is the trick – PAY ATTENTION. No, that is the trick, pay attention; pay attention to what you are doing. Each week pay attention to how much time you are devoting to each spoke. Did work get 50 instead of 40 hours? Did reading get 8 instead of 4 hours? What do these differences mean? How do you feel about these differences? Is your wheel harder to move? Do you feel energized or exhausted? Paying attention to these points and setting aside some time each week to review your progress is what makes this or any other model for change really work. You need to put time, energy, and attention into what it is you want in order for it to succeed.

Some weeks I spend 50 hours doing work and resent the fact. Other weeks I feel great about 55 hours at work because I reached a special goal. Some weeks I put 8 hours into reading because I am depressed and this is an easy way to escape. Other weeks I put 8 hours into reading and enjoy spending that time with a good book that really got me thinking. In the first instance my wheel is very hard to move. My work and reading spokes are weighing me down. In those other weeks I am doing fine, rolling along on my wheel of life. If I don’t pay attention and spend a little time at the end of the week to acknowledge where I am with my spokes, with my life, then I am no better off than if I was nailed down on the old teeter-totter.

Don't be an island. Seek out help and build a team. I have found that sharing my goals with others is a great tactic to reinforce my goals. I did this when I stopped smoking; I told every one who would listen that I was stopping that year. And when November came around I did just that - I stopped. It was the network of friends and my constant telling them I was stopping, coupled with their constant questions about when this was going to happen that helped me stop. So while it may not take a village, it usually does take a team. Find your team and get them motivated to help you succeed. And remember to do the same for them.

A Quick Recap of this Method

1. First your interests. List the five, or seven, or ten things that are important to your true self. My collection includes my relationships, reading, writing, stocks, work, cooking, and exercise. Yours might include family, golf, gardening, hiking, dancing, or anything else your heart desires.

2. Weigh each item in your collection and select the amount of time you would like to allot to each in the coming week. Make sure you don’t have too many items and leave some room for sleep.

3. Now, remember the trick and pay attention during the week to how much time each item attracts. For some people this means taking notes each day on how you use your time. Others will prefer to recollect at the end of the week without daily notes. Whichever way you prefer, remember you are looking at how you allocated your time and how you feel about the results.

4. Last, review your results. How close to your plan did you come? Is this close enough? Were the allocations appropriate? How do you feel about this past week – energized or depressed? Do you want to change anything for next week? Did you use your team?

Start right now!

Set aside the next several minutes to look at your life. Is your life in balance? Are you happy? Are you riding your wheel of life or are you still nailed to the teeter-totter?

Remember the purpose of this is to find a dynamic balance in your life. Your life should be rich and full. You should enjoy life and have fun in all your pursuits. Use this exercise as an opportunity to pay attention to how you use your resources. Eliminate or reduce activities that diminish your resources and your true self. Concentrate on activities that enrich your life. Only you can decide what these are. And each week you can select again to rebalance your life. This process will take time. If you forget to pay attention one day or one week, do not let this set you back on your long-term goal of balance.

And please remember the trick – PAY ATTENTION!